A new weekly column. Every Sunday. 

 

Preferring the Small to the Large

 

I guess you can call me an extrovert. I like people and I like hanging out with them and chatting them up. Having said that, I do not like large crowds preferring small, intimate gatherings and conversations instead. You will, of course, be forgiven for not believing that if you followed me on Facebook. Most of my pictures look like I am an active participant in at least 3 large gatherings every weekend!

What the pictures don’t show however, is how I tend to curl up and hide by the fireplace (even it is the middle of summer!) either with a book or in conversation with one good friend, maybe two, but no more. Imagine this scene taking place in the middle of a 100+ gathering!

 

Self-Reflection

 

 

I always thought that I gravitated towards a corner because these gatherings usually took place on a Friday or Saturday night. That usually meant I was tired at the end of a long week or a weekend. I even remember rationalizing that, perhaps, it’s because I did not know too many people at these gatherings. But it’s not like I took opportunities to mingle around and introduce myself either.

In true confession, my friends will even tell you stories of how I have gone to their gatherings, said quick hellos and then fallen asleep in their guest room for hours. So much for being the life of the party! And so, I realized, that, perhaps, I may not be as extroverted as the world makes me out to be.

 

The Extroverts and the Introverts

 

According to estimates extroverts outnumber introverts by about three to one. And then there are the extroverted introverts – those in careers that need them to be extroverts but given a choice, they would rather be up in a mountain, spend time reading a book or just be away from people in general. For no matter how much you love them, sometimes people can be loud, exhausting and draining. Add the everyday noise of the news, social media and radio to name a few and soon you have a world that is getting louder by the second. Is it any surprise that depression, loneliness and even violence rates seem to be rising globally? Perhaps it is also linked to the fact that there are now officially more cell phones on this planet than there are human beings?

 

The need for Silence

 

The need for silence has been calling me for a while and I finally succumbed to do my first silence course 5 years ago! I remember I was so scared. Petrified, perhaps, would be a more fitting word. After all, I had always used words to deflect attention away from me, almost like a curtain to hide behind. One way I have done that is to be in complete comfort about addressing a room full of people (which I have had the honor and pleasure of doing several times). Now that I look back and reflect on it, perhaps it’s because this was one way to address everyone in the room without talking to anyone!

And here I was, finally at the threshold of my first ever attempt at true silence.  It was supposed to be 4 days in all. Terrifying for someone like me, who had never spent even 10 minutes in complete silence, for all my years on this planet!

 

The Definition of Silence

 

What is silence? I learnt that reading a book, listening to music, humming to myself, binge watching Netflix is being alone with myself but is not really being in silence. I first came across the concept of silence almost 30 years ago, when I first heard about Vipassana.

Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are, is one of India’s most ancient techniques of meditation. It was taught in India more than 2,500 years ago as a universal remedy for universal ills, i.e., as an Art of Living. Over the years, it has picked up popularity with many known personalities, politicians, CEOs, founders and even world leaders.

 

Harari meets Goenka

 

The very well-known and extremely influential author, Yuval Noah Harari, for example, is famous for his every day, conscious practice of silence. While pursuing his PhD in Philosophy at Oxford, Harari visited Myanmar and met Satya Narayan Goenka, who became his meditation teacher. Thanks to Goenka, Yuval learnt Vipassana, which he has now been practicing for more than 15 years. He spends 2 hours a day in silence and also takes a 2 month silence retreat every year! Author of iconic books such as Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind, Homo Deus: A Brief History of Tomorrow, and 21 Lessons for the 21st Century, Yuval has gone on record to say that silence was the reason he could come up with these big ideas and books.

Harari, in fact, dedicated his second book Homo Deus to his meditation teacher Goenka, for teaching him this ancient practice of silence. He said and I quote, “I could not have written this book without the focus, peace and insight gained from practicing Vipassana for 15 years.”

 

A date with Me

 

 

I went into silence, for the first time, 5 years ago, fearful of who I will meet inside of me. Remember, I had never met me and was scared that if I did not like me, I would have to spend the rest of my life with me. And, so, a very nervous me said hello to me, for the very first time.

I glanced inside and when I finally met me, nervous with all the makings of a blind date, I smiled! For inside was this tender, fragile, warm, person who was inherently good and loving. It was the beginning of a journey to meet and understand me better, by peeling away at all the labels that life had stuck on me.

And so, it began – the journey to meet me, know me, have a laugh and shed a tear with me. Me, on a date with me. That was 5 years ago. Last year, I did two of them, totaling my number to 7! And just like true love, I cannot wait to meet and go out with me again!

 

In Gratitude for the Silence

 

They say what you do on the 1st day of the year, you do for the rest of the year! I was in silence from Dec 30 to Jan 4. 2020 forced all of us to reflect and I felt it was only fitting to start this year with deep reflection. I was grateful that there were 45 others who wanted to do the same.

We were in silence, meditating, going deep within, unpeeling, finding and falling in love with the real us. I am grateful for opportunity to go into silence, for the wisdom and ancient practices passed on from generation to generation, for the luxury to set aside that kind of time. I am grateful for my family and friends who respect my need to do this on a regular basis. Lao Tzu says, “Silence is a course of great strength.” For someone who is almost always using words, I am finding this to be true.

 

I am Love

 

As my meditation teacher says, “You are love. You are joy.” I am love. And only when I find this love in me, can I share the love and joy with others on my life’s journey.

How does one begin on this path? For starters, be ready to go on a date with yourself. And then either go cold turkey, or ease into it. I went cold turkey – the only way I know and immersed myself in it, all in!

And this, I promise you. Just like a plunge into the ocean from the side of a boat – scary and frightening as it may be, once you do it, immerse yourself and give yourself fully to it, it will embrace you, warm you up and love you as one of its own. You. The love in you. Your silence. The you in you, is waiting. Go, meet you!

 

Read my previous blogs below:

• Anika’s Zen and the Power of Gratitude
• Sack Full of Breaths
• The Power of Silence: A Date with Myself
• Travel Through the Glass
• The Elusive Trophy
• The Joy of Everyday
• Does Love Have a Color?
• Stronger than the Storm
• My Neighborhood, My Tribe

 

 

Anika Sharma is a digital thought leader, a mother, a professor at New York University’s Stern School of Business. She was recently named as one of the top 150 digital global leaders to follow in 2021. When she is not busy working or raising her two teenage children, you can find her planting herbs in her garden, meditating with her friends, swimming long laps or filling rooms with her cackling laughter. Contact her at anikadas@gmail.com or on twitter

 

If you enjoyed this blog, read about the Many Benefits of Gratitude. and the Rules of Simple Living.

 

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