Anika’s Zen and the Power of Gratitude. A new weekly column. Every Sunday. 

 

Fair Share of Troubles

 

We have all had more than our fair share of troubles. I have gone through life thinking that, perhaps, my burden was heavier than many others. Have I been through enough troubles of my own? Yes. Has life been tough? Sure. But it has also shown me what trouble can do to those who go through them.

Meeting someone for the very first time, I can now tell, within minutes, those who have cruised through life and those who have been through life’s wringer. I can tell from their eyes, some of the troubles they have seen and more importantly, survived. Those who have been protected through life and those who crawled out of whatever life gave them, no matter how harsh, difficult, unexplained or unexpected.

 

Where Angels Fear to Tread

 

Call me a tomboy and you just may be right. Brought up as a child who was made to believe she could do anything, my childhood was characterized with climbing trees and fences in equal measure. I broke my first bone when I was six years old. It was my collarbone and it happened while climbing a guava tree, falling straight to the ground.

Next, was my left foot when I was filling up really large barrels with water. We were living in a city with a water shortage. My parents were away, and I was trying to help by filling that barrel during those two hours of water availability. Somewhere along the way and rather quickly, I realized that the barrel had become so heavy that the only way I could release it, was to let go – not quick enough, however, and my left foot was pinned under it. I screamed for my younger sibling to call the neighbors for help and get that water-filled barrel off my foot.

My parents had gone to buy our very first television set and were looking forward to installing it. Instead, they came back to rush me to the hospital with a foot that was simultaneously swelling up and going blue, right in front of them. Of course, the next day, when I landed up in school with my foot in a cast, my classmates thought it was the only qualification I needed to serve as the goalkeeper for the soccer team!

Somewhere in the Ninth grade, I remember an evening in the park when I went climbing on top of the swing set. The only way down was to fall onto a bad, non-protected, stone-filled patch. And that, my dear readers, is the story of my left wrist injury – another fracture, another cast. Talk about the universe being thoughtful though – being a true right-handed person, it helped that all this happened on the left side of my body – left shoulder, left wrist, left foot.

 

Why me?

 

I have asked this question often in life, not finding the right answer. Then my team member, Subbu, introduced me to this book called, When Breath Becomes Air by Neurosurgeon Dr. Paul Kalanithi.

Paul spent years training to be a neurosurgeon. A man passionate about several things including literature, philosophy and medicine, he trained in neurological surgery at Stanford University, believing brain surgery was his calling. Like most doctors, his days and weeks were made up of ridiculous workloads (think 100-hour work weeks), sleep deprived nights and performing critical surgeries while trying to keep his marriage alive with his doctor wife, Lucy.

 

The Dreaded ‘C’ word

 

When he began to suffer with excruciating back pains he wondered if he had cancer, then tried to push that concern away after an x-ray came back clear. He got weaker and the pain intensified. Eventually he had a CT scan, “I flipped through the CT scan images, the diagnosis obvious: the lungs were matted with innumerable tumors, the spine deformed, a full lobe of the liver obliterated. Cancer widely disseminated. I was a neurosurgical resident entering my final year of training. Over the last six years, I’d examined scores of such scans, on the off chance that some procedure might benefit the patient. But this scan was different: it was my own.”

He says and I quote, “Once I had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, I began to view the world through two perspectives; I was starting to see death as both doctor and patient. As a doctor, I knew not to declare “Cancer is a battle I am going to win!” or ask, “Why me?” (Answer: Why not me?)” “Like my own patients, I had to face my mortality and try to understand what made my life worth living…”

This book, a highly recommended read, finally gave me my answer. Applying the principles of randomness and probability, it was my turn to go through what I went through. It was my time in the square of this game called Life. All I could do was embrace it and go through it. Never again, did I ever ask myself the question, “why me?”

 

Stronger Than the Storm

 

I lived through Hurricane Sandy. Even though this was in 2012, I remember that night so clearly. Our musician friend, JD, was visiting. Strong winds were predicted, and I had no idea whether we would wake up to fallen trees on our roof, our cars or, perhaps, both. I slept leaving my questions and problems in the hands of whatever higher power there was out there.

 

The storm came and went. The next morning, with bated breath, I took a walk around the house. Thank god – no felled trees, either on the roof or on our cars. We were without power, but only for about 8 hours or so. We had a wood working fireplace with wood to spare, so heat was not an issue. A few days later, when we took a walk around the neighborhood, we realized how lucky we were. Almost every other house had uprooted trees, fallen powerlines and flooded basements. Many did not have power or heat for two to three weeks. Affecting 24 states, causing an estimated damage of $74 billion and responsible for close to 250 deaths, Hurricane Sandy had quite a sobering effect.

There was no choice but to pick ourselves up. The state of New Jersey did just that. “Stronger than the Storm’ was our rally cry and yes, that’s exactly where we are today. Eight years later, we are still here, with a cautious eye on every other storm that heads our way. Stronger and ready!

 

Adversity Empathy

 

This week, a winter storm left Texas shivering with record low temperatures, causing power outages and leaving people without heat, electricity, food and water. Everything shut down and the icy roads did not make it easy either, causing a 130+ car accident on the highway. Add to that, the ongoing global pandemic, which made it near impossible to land and help. Four days later, the Lone Star state is slowly inching back, and the rest of the country is noticing. Texas’ pain is being felt in NJ, amongst other states. States that know what freezing temperatures are like and what the lack of heat and water can do.

 

 

Yes, adversity has its side effects. I have realized, it is adversity that gives us our depth. It’s a little bit like those ponds that you come across in the forest. They look still and gentle; yet you realize there is an unknown depth to them – one that perhaps, is revealed, only slowly, over time.

Adversity makes us, us. It has made me, me. My dear friend was telling me last evening, “Anika, you have changed. You have settled.” She has known me for 18 years, so she must be right. Have I changed? I hope so. My adversity, is what I hope, has helped build my character, showing me strengths that I did not even realized I had in me. I hope it is my adversity that makes me smile through the little things, while creating that much-needed empathy for others.

 

Deep Gratitude for my Storms

 

I am grateful for the many a storm that have entered my life. Looking back, I would have it no other way. I no longer ask, “why me?” Instead, I have learnt to trust the unknown pools of strength within me – strengths that help overcome all that life has thrown and continues to throw at me.

I like the depth my storm creates and the way it anchors me. I am better because of my storms and am grateful for it. After all, I am stronger than the storm!

What has been your biggest storm and how have you become stronger than the storm? Do write and share.

 

Read my previous blogs below:

• Anika’s Zen and the Power of Gratitude
• Sack Full of Breaths
• The Power of Silence: A Date with Myself
• Travel Through the Glass
• The Elusive Trophy
• The Joy of Everyday
• Does Love Have a Color?
• Stronger than the Storm
• My Neighborhood, My Tribe

 

 

Anika Sharma is a digital thought leader, a mother, a professor at New York University’s Stern School of Business. She was recently named as one of the top 150 digital global leaders to follow in 2021. When she is not busy working or raising her two teenage children, you can find her planting herbs in her garden, meditating with her friends, swimming long laps or filling rooms with her cackling laughter. Contact her at anikadas@gmail.com or on twitter

 

If you enjoyed this blog, read about the Many Benefits of Gratitude. and the Rules of Simple Living.