Anika’s Zen and the Power of Gratitude. A new weekly column. Every Sunday.

The Perseverance of Gratitude

At the beginning of this year, I persevered to write a weekly gratitude column. It was my way to practice gratitude on a more regular basis. Gratitude is a rather powerful weapon – it rewires our brains in ways that we are still trying to understand. For example, research by UC Davis psychologist Robert Emmons, author of Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier, shows that simply by keeping a gratitude journal, regularly writing brief reflections on thankful moments – can significantly increase our well‑being and life satisfaction.

During his Time 100 interview this week, Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft, again spoke about his regular gratitude practice. “The first thing I do when I get up in the morning, you get out of the bed and then you put your feet down and say what you were thankful for and what you’re looking forward to. That’s it. It’s the simplest thing, and given that it’s the first conscious act, very helpful.” Nadella’s morning ritual focuses on the present moment with gratitude. Neuroscience shows that optimism is like a muscle. The more we practice looking for the positive, the easier it becomes to see. By making space for gratitude at the beginning of everyday, Nadella teaches his brain to spot daily opportunities for joy and growth.

 

Grinding to a Halt

 

So here I was ready to pen my 15th gratitude column, finding more everyday things to be grateful for, through my writing. I was getting into a groove. Then came another Sunday. Here I was, getting ready to write on hope – the hope of Spring, of flowers blooming against all odds, especially as the weather became more unpredictable – hot one day and below freezing the next, combined with a smattering of a hailstorm or two.

I don’t know what happened to me. I just paused – if you can call it that. The moon came out as scheduled that night. The next morning, the sun came back up and it was the start of a brand-new week. A week went by and then the next. And then the next. My publisher, the wonderful Malathy, asked me if I had taken a pause from writing. I had not. In fact, I had not taken a pause from anything. And yet, it looked like I had paused.

I could not understand the feeling. My column was ready. All I had to do was edit it and send it, but I could not get myself to do it.

I also started noticing this feeling in other aspects of my life – I would lie down and not get up for a few hours at the very least. Friends were texting me to plan get-togethers and I would not feel like responding. This went on for days and then, for at least, a couple of weeks.

Was I unwell? No. Was I depressed? Of course not! After all, I am Anika. People call me happy, remember? Was something wrong with me? If there was, I could not pinpoint it. Not to mention, through all this, life went on as usual. There were jobs to do, classes to teach, meals to cook, kitchens to clean, people to wish on their birthdays and networks to connect to. Yet, I did all this almost on autopilot. I ran a half-marathon, compered an event, conducted critical meetings, defended an RFP and did everything else that life was asking of me, including laundry. Yet, I did not feel myself.

I love writing. I love being grateful even more. Yet, the words that usually flowed like water, were not flowing anymore. Something was going on and I could not put my finger to it.

 

That Feeling called Blah

 

 

And then, the answer that I was searching for, came, like most answers, from The New York Times. It was an article that said that There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing. Adam Grant, the publisher of the piece, called it the dominant feeling of 2021.

To quote the article, “It wasn’t burnout – we still had energy. It wasn’t depression – we didn’t feel hopeless. We just felt somewhat joyless and aimless. It turns out there’s a name for that: languishing.

Languishing is a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield. And it might be the dominant emotion of 2021.

As scientists and physicians work to treat and cure the physical symptoms of long-haul Covid, many people are struggling with the emotional long-haul of the pandemic. It hit some of us unprepared as the intense fear and grief of last year faded.”

In psychology, we think about mental health on a spectrum from depression to flourishing. Flourishing is the peak of well-being: You have a strong sense of meaning, mastery and mattering to others. Depression is the valley of ill-being: You feel despondent, drained and worthless. Languishing is the neglected middle child of mental health. It’s the void between depression and flourishing – the absence of well-being. You don’t have symptoms of mental illness, but you’re not the picture of mental health either. You’re not functioning at full capacity. Languishing dulls your motivation, disrupts your ability to focus, and triples the odds that you’ll cut back on work. It appears to be more common than major depression – and in some ways it may be a bigger risk factor for mental illness.

New evidence from pandemic health care workers in Italy shows that those who were languishing in the spring of 2020 were three times more likely than their peers to be diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.

This comment from Adam Grant’s article, resonated with me the most: “Part of the danger is that when you’re languishing, you might not notice the dulling of delight or the dwindling of drive. You don’t catch yourself slipping slowly into solitude; you’re indifferent to your indifference. When you can’t see your own suffering, you don’t seek help or even do much to help yourself.”

 

Languishing

 

Now I know. I know what to call it. I was languishing. My delight had dulled, and my drive had dwindled. Add to that the fact that, perhaps, almost all of us thought that by this time this year, things would be different. Different than this time last year. I, for one, thought, Science and humans would have conquered Covid-19, slaying it like a dragon and helping mankind come back to normal.

I thought we would go back to hugging our loved ones (what can I say, I am a hugger!) celebrating moments, both big and small.

And yet, here we are – languishing with the news of a second, more deadly round of the pandemic. Causing a death toll in hundreds of thousands, the reality of the moment is already turning 2021 into another year that the world wants to erase from their minds.

And like the world, trying to limp back to normal, I had to get out of my blah!

 

Grateful for My Blah

 

 

Perhaps the 2nd vaccination shot helped. Because I got sick and my moment of blah had the opportunity to help me pause, be in bed, pop quite a few Tylenols over days and give my moment of blah, its much needed 5 minutes of fame and recognition.

So here I am, back to the sunny side for now and a tad more aware of my ‘languishing, blah’ side. I have realized that it can hit the best and most prepared amongst us; it comes when I am least expecting and can stay for a while, like a guest that has overextended his or her welcome.

But I am lucky. I had friends like Malathy, who knocked my door down till I responded. Friends like Shashi reached out and physically knocked my door, almost at midnight, with a bowl of my favorite vegetable – because they had made it and thought of me. There were others who did not allow me to disappear and kept asking me if I was ok.

I guess I am one of the lucky ones and I am in deep gratitude for the ones in my life who can look beyond my Facebook posts, my Instagram happy pics and know when I might be languishing even when I don’t know it.

The pandemic continues in ways none of us had predicted. But we are lucky to have discovered trails, mountain paths, peers, camaraderie, gardens, hobbies and so much more along the way. I discovered not just one, but many villages of people who were happy to call me one of their own.

And so, here we are, and this too shall pass. For, like my mother says, no matter how dark the night, the sun must come out. Now, all we need to do, is find someone to share that imminent sunrise with!

 

Read my previous blogs below:

• Anika’s Zen and the Power of Gratitude
• Sack Full of Breaths
• The Power of Silence: A Date with Myself
• Travel Through the Glass
• The Elusive Trophy
• The Joy of Everyday
• Does Love Have a Color?
• My Neighborhood, My Tribe
• The Snow Persisted
• Lucky Me, a Woman
• Science, the Real Hero
• Where Diamonds Fail
• An Optimistic World

 

Anika Sharma is a digital thought leader, a mother, a professor at New York University’s Stern School of Business. She was recently named as one of the top 150 digital global leaders to follow in 2021. When she is not busy working or raising her two teenage children, you can find her planting herbs in her garden, meditating with her friends, swimming long laps or filling rooms with her cackling laughter. Contact her at anikadas@gmail.com or on twitter

 

If you enjoyed this blog, read about the Many Benefits of Gratitude, Covid-19: How I am Learning to Cope, Seven Ways to Manage Your Emotions, Covid-19 and Beyond and the Rules of Simple Living.