My Neighborhood, My Tribe

Anika’s Zen and the Power of Gratitude. A new weekly column. Every Sunday.

 

I Give You 30 Days

 

We moved into this house close to 14 years ago. A beautiful neighborhood with even more beautiful homes, we moved in with a dog, a 2.5-year-old toddler and 6 months pregnant with my second child. Constantly overwhelmed with hormone-fused emotions, I remember telling my realtor and friend “nobody will talk to us in this new neighborhood, and I will be without friends.” And she replied, “I give you 30 days Anika, and I can bet that you will know the entire neighborhood!”

She was right. You see, babies and dogs are conversation magnets. It was summer when we moved in. Daily walks were a given with a dog. Being new in the neighborhood, many stopped us to say hello and the rest is history. By the end of a mere few months, we ended up knowing many of our neighbors.

 

“Grand Aunt Norma”

 

 

Take my German neighbors for instance who live right across from my home. Their 4 children were all out of the house, busy with their own teenage children. Which left them alone in this huge house – probably why they loved the pitter patter of smaller children.

My children’s birthdays became theirs to celebrate and every year, without fail, the lady would drop in to wish them, with gifts and cards. I taught my kids to call her ‘Grand aunt Norma’ and they call her the same to this day. Work beckoned and I was often alone at home for days. New neighborhood, small children and a network that I was still trying to build while working.

 

Breaking the Ice

 

Remember that whole conversation about work-life balance? A topic for another column but all I will say now, is that I was trying so hard to keep my head above water that I was probably the only mom in preschool and kindergarten school history to drop into my children’s school in bath robes and pajamas (two separate attire choices, not on the same day!) One such day, dropping my young son to pre-school, with months old baby in the car seat, my car got stuck trying to climb back into the driveway. Close your eyes and just for an instance, imaging this: a car on a busy road, with its back sticking out into the road and a baby in it. All I could think about was what if a car came speeding down the road and hit me, not knowing that I was actually stuck.

It was so cold that the snow had turned into pure ice. My car’s tires were skidding and the more I tried, the more it got stuck. It was early morning, no one was around, and I was almost in tears with the sheer frustration of trying to get my car to move. Norma must have seen this from her window; before I knew it, her husband was there with this huge iron bar. Without uttering a single word, he broke the ice next to my tires, into pieces, and I was able to drive my car safely into the driveway. This incident is almost 13 years old, but I will never forget that cold, icy morning and that warm gesture.

 

Neighbors as Extended Family

 

 

My wonderful neighbors are like my extended family members. Making a dish and short of onions or potatoes? In a jiffy, I would call my wonderful Pakistani and Iranian neighbors and send my kids over to get some from them. Similarly, made an extra dish? Off went my kids to deliver and share with them. These extended neighbors who are like family have been there to pick up my kids from school, drop them to soccer, take them to the doctor and feed them when they come back from school when I could not reach back on time to do it. They have fed them, kept them safe and been there for them. My children know to trust them but more importantly, they know that there is a special friendship in all this.

I cannot talk enough about my neighbors from Cypress. Her mom is an amazing baker and every year, goodies galore land up at our doorstep. They moved in when they did not have any children, so their son has grown up in front of us. The chances of him being in our front yard and playing? Very high – because you see, we are not fans of fences and have never thought of putting one up. They have been part of almost every get together that we have had and every year we are part of theirs. The husband is an avid gardener. He and I have a pact – if he has extra flowering seeds lying around, all he has to do is spread them around in my garden. No questions asked. When it snows, without asking, he will clear up the sidewalk and our driveway. Every single time!

 

 

Hurricane Ready

 

Almost 8 years ago, waiting for Hurricane Sandy, our wonderful American neighbors had a party. It was a party to let each other know that we were there for each other. There were offers for batteries, for ladders, for emergency supplies and anything else that a neighbor might need, including a helping hand. And, of course, there was wine and music!

Recently when an elderly neighborhood couple needed help moving some heavy pieces of furniture from their basement, I offered my teenage kids immediately. She asked me if my teenage kids knew that I had offered them up and I said, it does not matter. They have to learn to be there to help – it is an inherent quality and one that they needed to embody, even when I am not around. My kids helped and so did I. My lovely neighbors paid them for their work, but my kids did not do it expecting it to be a paid gig. They did it because we are neighbors!

 

The Noise Returns

 

Once my neighbor Lorraine, came me to me and said, “Anika, were you out for a few days? Because I told my husband I don’t hear the usual cacophony from your house and got worried. Then after a couple of days the noise returned and I said to him, all was well because it looks like they are back!”

Outside of finding it funny, it made me realize just how precious my neighbors were: you know those stories you hear of people dying in their homes and no one finding them for months? Well, this I know for sure – it will not happen to me! 24 hours max, if that, and I know a neighbor will drop in if they don’t see the usual cacophony in my home!

 

Whine and Wine

 

 

And then, there is the legendary neighbor Gilda. She started the Whine and Wine Club in the neighborhood. What is it? Women who get together to whine, over wine. Believe me when I say that there is no whining. The evening is made up of amazing conversations over good wine and yummy appetizers. But it is also an opportunity for women to come together as a tribe and learn from each other. Many of these women are older with college going or working children. As a mom with young ones, it helped me knowing what to look forward to, with lessons on what will get me there. A gathering that took place once a quarter, I always waited in eager anticipation for the next one, to learn, to laugh, to share, to sparkle and unwind!

 

In Gratitude for My Neighbors

 

I am in deep gratitude for my neighbors. Not only have they been enriching my life all these years, but they have fully embraced me for who I am – my robe-wearing, loudly singing, barefoot walking self! In fact, for my 40^th birthday, almost 10 of the neighborhood women, came dressed in pink bathrobes to surprise me and celebrate my birthday.

My neighbors make me, and my neighborhood is my space. It’s a place I can call my own and a place where my children know that not only are they safe, but now that they are a tad older, they need to be available to help out and give back. As a person who has almost no family in the US, my neighbors are my family and my extended family. When they knock on my door and drop in, often unannounced, it actually makes a regular day into a special one. My neighbors have been there in good times and bad, across all seasons. I know that I can count on them when I need them, and they know the same about it.

They say, your vibe attracts your tribe. As I look back at close to the fourteen years that I have been in my neighborhood, perhaps, in many ways, it is this tribe that has enhanced my vibe. And for that, I am super grateful!

 

Read my previous blogs below:

• Anika’s Zen and the Power of Gratitude
• Sack Full of Breaths
• The Power of Silence: A Date with Myself
• Travel Through the Glass
• The Elusive Trophy
• The Joy of Everyday
• Does Love Have a Color?

 

Anika Sharma is a digital thought leader, a mother, a professor at New York University’s Stern School of Business. She was recently named as one of the top 150 digital global leaders to follow in 2021. When she is not busy working or raising her two teenage children, you can find her planting herbs in her garden, meditating with her friends, swimming long laps or filling rooms with her cackling laughter. Contact her at anikadas@gmail.com or on twitter

 

If you enjoyed this blog, read about the Many Benefits of Gratitude. and the Rules of Simple Living.