Amma, are you angry with me?
Your joy knew no bounds
It hit you like a flood
The moment you came to know
That you are with child
Every moment that you sheltered me
In the safe haven of your womb
Your body nurtured me, nourished me
Every movement I made brought a smile to your face
That lit up with radiance
You lived for the day, longed for the moment
When you’d hold me in your arms
You dreamed of the day
You’d kiss my rosy cheeks
Admire my perfect form and proclaim to the world
The birth of your child!
You smiled at the thought
Of how I’d blossom under your loving care
The first words I’d babble
The tiny, fumbling steps I’d take
You’d stare at the pictures of bonny babies
That adorns the walls
Of course I would be the best!
Who can imagine the depth of your anguish?
The anger that stemmed from being cheated
Your dreams shattered as you first saw me
Not the picture of perfection
That you’d carried in your heart for months
But a limp, twisted excuse for a human form
You turned away in sorrow
Or was it disgust?
Was it my fault that your dreams, hopes
Lay shattered like a million shards of broken glass
Your agony reflected in every one of them?
Days turned into months and years,
And though your tears never seemed to dry
You always smiled through them
To light up our seemingly dark life
Slowly, hour by hour, day by day
The darkness melted away
As I took the tiniest steps, uttered the faintest sounds
That to you, Amma was sweet music!
We began our long journey
You lovingly holding my hands
Helping me when I fell
I felt special when I learnt to laugh and shout
With other children who, like me,
Were special in their own way too.
I loved the way you cheered us on
And how you smiled at every tiny thing I did
Until one day you said:
“Thank you, God, for my child
That I shall cherish
as a very special gift
From You.”

Do read Lesley Scen’s journey raising an autistic child on our blog. 

Janaki Rao was inspired to write this poem during her work with MNC,  an early intervention center for special needs children. It is her heartfelt tribute to parents, staff and children who work together to give the child a head start in life. Please check out their website here. This poem was first published in the Kalpatharu newsletter and Janaki wishes to thank the Director Mrs. Jaya Krishnaswamy for allowing her to use it on the Healthy Indian website.

If you like this, check out other blog articles by Janaki Rao on Healthy Indian: Ikebana As A Form of Meditation, Asha, the Hope.

Janaki Rao – an incurable optimist is how she likes to describe herself. An academic background in Sociology enabled her to work with NGOs in the field of gender, development and media. This enriching part of her life was always interspersed with her varied interests— cooking, gardening, reading, sewing, nature cure, alternative healing, yoga, meditation …The list seems too good to be true, but she believes that each one is therapeutic in its own way. Janaki’s first glimpse into Bach flower remedies was a chance encounter with a practitioner and she went on to train with her, and worked on a book on the subject too. She is also a certified Pranic and Reiki healer, and a certified teacher of Ikebana (Sogetsu School of Japan). She has had the pleasure of teaching this art form to Montessori school children.